What Community? #49: Baseball breeds brains, crazy.

First we have Shane Victorinio inventing a new turn of phrase that makes my brain fart a big "Whu?" Or: "Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. You don't ask the questions? Or you won't tolerate the questions? Huh?" If this catches on with the likes of Stuart Scott and Neil Everett I'll definitely get Ed Abbey and kill my TV (but not my precious internet).

Next we have Orel Hershisher's Joker impression. Since The Sports Hernia Blog had me LOL'ing (it's one of those dreary days), I'll just copy what they've got to go along with these pictures that I've stolen:

ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball was already off the charts tonight with their new 'bathroom stall' camera feature, but the stunning presence of a completely insane Orel Hershiser, proud new owner of the greatest Joker portrayal to date, simply stole the show.

Did John Miller forget to wear pants? Did Steve Phillips suddenly go back to his part-in-the-middle look when the camera panned away? Did Elaine give him the Uncle Leo treatment and paint angry eyebrows on his face? Whatever it is, this normally mild-mannered individual wants to kick the living shit out of everyone.

At this point Hershiser has the entire nation mentally crippled in a highly uncomfortable and paranoid state, yet John Miller thinks the guy is an absolute ray of light, like he's making god damn balloon animals and handing out cotton fuckin' candy.

What happened to this dude? If an alien tears out of his stomach and hops on Miller's head to act as an unflattering toupee, we won't exactly be surprised.

I can say no more. --RWK [both via The Sporting Blog's Morning Constitutional]

Headlines #2: God accused of selling cocaine near church.

The report, in its entirety:

Police said a man named God was arrested near a Tampa church for selling cocaine.

Authorities began investigating God Lucky Howard in April, and he was arrested on Saturday. Police said he sold the cocaine to undercover detectives in his neighborhood. When officers searched his home, they reported finding 22 grams more of cocaine and a scale.

Jail records show Howard was charged with several counts of drug possession and distribution, which include increased charges for being within 1,000 feet of a church, a school and public housing.

Dude is not lucky. --RWK [via Keith]

What community? #27: En la Ciudad de Sylvia

Youtube is so amazing. Thank you LaMujerTendida. --RWK

What community? #16: A famous Britwit talking about politics and two famous Krauts.

Just started reading The Gay Science this week (it's great) so I thought I'd go ahead and put an old, favorite bit up. --RWK

Genius Marketing #1: Why So Serious? (The Dark Knight)

Since I brought up the Joker and his (new?) catchphrase yesterday I thought I'd geek out a bit and throw some accolades of my own at the marketing genius (or team of marketing geniuses) behind the promotional campaign for this summer's The Dark Knight, which I somewhat hate to admit is maybe my most anticipated movie of 2008. (I don't really know what else is coming out. Snow Angels? Ellen Page and Olivia Thrilby making out? Oh, right, Cloverfield on Friday, another film aided by another genius marketing ploy.)

But back to Batman. Or, back to the Joker. How do you replace Jack Nicholson's performance? Well, you get a really handsome and talented young guy willing to act a fool and you make him ugly to go along with his own brand of crazy line readings. Heath Ledger is still sexy, sure, and more magnetic than new-to-the-franchise Maggie Gyllenhaal, but that Joker make up is quite a severe look. What's weird is that I think he's kinda right on, if nuts. "Why So Serious?" It's almost as if Heath is asking Christian Bale, not the Joker asking Batman. Cuz, talent and good looks are one thing but Christian Bale is always working. One thing I like about Heath is how much he's willing to play and have fun. (Have you seen those pictures from the set of the new Terry Gilliam movie?) Heath is a lot more like Gary Oldman than I'd thought before. When Batman Begins came out I thought it was Bale who was like Oldman, but maybe Bale is his own brand of crazy. Anyways, the point of this post was to talk about how cool the ads for Heath's turn as the Joker looks like it will be. So how about some ads?



I doubt The Dark Knight will top The Prestige but if it does it will be fucking fantastic. Also: If I could get a job doing this kind of advertising, I'd be pretty happy, and probably pretty rich. But, hey, I don't even have MS Publisher any more. Nor have I had a copy of Photoshop in half a year. --RWK

Encounter #23 Community #8 "New and better realities." Tom Cruise is insane.

DOWNLOAD THIS AND WATCH IT. [via Cam, via WWTDD, who's doubly funny - ONE and TWO]

Say what you will -- yes he's charming, yes he's good looking, yes I'll see his movies -- but motherfucker is insane. And here's the bold, naked proof of his conviction that Scientology is the way to save the world. I don't even understand half of what he says. I mean, I want to save the world, sure. But I'm not gonna wig out and force my ethics on other people. But that's exactly what he says he will do to improve the world: "I won't hesitate to put ethics in on someone else. Cuz I put it ruthlessly in on myself. And I think that, ah, ...I respect that. In others. And, I, uh, I'm here to help -- we're here to help. My opinion is, look, either you're on board, or you're not on board, okay? But if you're on board then you're on board just like the rest of us." Wow, right? This from a guy who's making a movie about Nazis. Yeah, I know, it's about a "good" Nazi. Whatever. He's still making a movie about Nazis and talking about putting ethics, ruthlessly, mind you, in on other people. I didn't know ethics could go into somebody like a dagger or a spear or a spray of shrapnel or a baseball bat to the face.

The next thing he says is only better: "We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, the authorities on improving conditions... cimina-, we can rehabilitate criminals. We can bring happiness, we can bring peace. Uhhhh. And unite cultures. Uhhhh. That once you know these tools and you know that they work it's not good enough that I'm just doing okay." If you believe that, why the fuck are you so solemn about it, Tom? Is there any fun in Scientology? You don't even seem to enjoy saying you help people. The Joker's got it right, at least in part: "Why so serious?"

What is he doing here? Laughing? Sure, but what comes next?
"Ah, she said, uh, ha, they said, 'Have you met an SP? HAHAHAH!" What the fuck? What the fuck is an "SP?"

His response? "HA. And I, uh, ha, uh, and I thought, you know, what a beautiful thing because maybe one day it'll be like that. You know what I'm said? Maybe one day it'll be that -- uh-Ha -- wow, SPs, you don't just read about that in the history books, you know? Haha!" Now I'm serious: seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?


It only gets worse. Or more hilarious. Or more terrifying. Or more hilarious. Seriously: What the fuck? I'm scared over here.

It's getting gold outside.

Dumb it down. Hell yeah!

New Lupe / Old DP


Talk about some RHETORIC. --RWK